Mixed emotions

I had my last chemo session on Friday 22 July.  I was elated and as I was saying goodbye to one of the sisters, she said, ‘No but I’ll see you soon, your port will need to be flushed.’  I looked at the other sister and they both laughed.  I thought they were having me on.  I didn’t know that – no one mentioned it!  And they all know how I hate it when they connect that needle to the port, they have to anesthetise mine for at least 30 – 60 minutes beforehand and then it’s still sometimes sore.

mixed-emotionsSo now I have to look forward to going back every 8 weeks to have my port flushed.

The only alternative is to have it removed but I’m too scared I may need chemo in the future.  It is just an awful thing to have to live with as it protrudes from inside the skin plus there is a long scar. It’s located on my chest area.

It will be difficult to disguise in summer. I myself can’t even look at it and I don’t even go near it – “ek gril” – in other words I find it creepy and offputting.  Plus the thing moves in the night, or at least that’s what it feels like.  Sometimes I think ‘oops it’s tilted sideways.’

My scans are set for September when we’ll see the effect of the chemo.  Until then I may stay off the airwaves.  Friends who want more updates can send me a friend request on Facebook.  I appreciate your comments and thoughts!