Challenge

My life has changed somewhat.  I am back in hospital since before Xmas because of swollen feet, knees and being out of breath. I have been assigned to a new oncology doctor because my regular doctors are on leave. She is very thorough and ordered another CT scan because she wants to get to the bottom of it because she doesn’t want me to be admitted again because I have now been re-admitted within weeks.

So she came to me yesterday to say that the CT scan shows that my lung supply has been blocked off by a blood clot and in fact there are several clots in the lungs. It can’t be worse. No point in bothering with a swollen knee, no matter if another blood clot runs to the lung, because the lung is already so full of blood clots. They can’t do nothing more. I can go today, tomorrow, in a week… they are keeping me in hospital, I won’t be going home. That is the end.

I get such good care in hospital, I’m much better off here than at home. The doctor assured me that I won’t be left to my own devices, they will still provide me with the best care.

I’ve had visits from all the family and they are happy that I’ve managed to defy the odds and have lived an extra 1.5 years from diagnose. All my affairs are in order and I’m ready to my return to my real home, but the doctor shook hands with me and said if I can prove her wrong she’ll be clapping hands. So I changed me attitude to one of positiveness and resumed my physio exercises because I don’t believe in lying down and giving up. I feel upbeat and trying to live my life as normal, albeit within a hospital bed. I breath freely, I’m not in pain. I’m having a jol on YouTube on the hospital’s WiFi and I have enough Soduko books for a lifetime!

Under the circumstance I ask for visits from family only. Once again, thank you for your love and support.

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Brain Soup

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On Wednesday 7 Sept 2016 about 4.30am I woke up totally confused, spoke in bubbles and tried to indicate to mum & sister in house as to my situation and I eventually opened the front door pretty naked to explain my situation. They eventually caught on that this woman is slightly mad!

My sister dressed me (back in pajamas!) and mum and sister took me straight to emergency at Panorama.

They took me to be scanned twice. My daughter Bianca & Nige arrived. I was so glad to see her.  I cannot remember much of the evening. I was informed afterwards. The scan showed a tumour in my left parietal lobe above the ear.

Dr Google describes different symptoms to mine. I up to today (9 Sep.) couldn’t remember the name of the street I live in, or the complex, or to switch on the TV. Battle with writing/typing, comprehending. I still see visions that do not exist, hear voices and have blurred vision. One gets used to everything. In the past, before I got diagnosed, I heard the most unusual music in my head which I quite enjoyed, but unfortunately it didn’t ring any bells – not enough for me to investigate why all of a sudden I’m hearing twiddles.

In hospital they put me on a high dose of cortisone on a drip and I get better every day. I’m still on cortisone for +- 3 weeks (at home) and then a retest. If it has shrunk, they will radiate the spot.

walk

The worst was being in hospital without memory and no phone or laptop, I felt so lost! Eventually on the following day I got permission from the doctor that I could slip out for an hour to go home to pack. One of the nurses accompanied me. I live 10 mins from Panorama and I was much better by then. Every morning in hospital I went walking for 10 – 20 minutes (wearing out their passage!) with nurses running after me to try to stop me but only the last day they realised I can walk.

The previous weekend I went walking for about 30 minutes fast in Boschenmeer – I thought I was doing a roundabout but then I was told “no we must retrace our steps!” I handled it well – no huffing and puffing. I always keep my mouth closed when I walk.

On 15 Sept I’m having further scans – lungs and spine. Not looking forward to drinking two large bottles Barium.  Thereafter seeing Oncologist.  Doing INR on the same day – blood test to check level.  Blood must be at a certain level to prevent blood clots. I’m not phased by these tests anymore, I just take them in my stride and relax. Bit of mind control.

mantras

 

My Mantras, every day, twice a day:
Every day in every way I’m getting better and better.
I’m in perfect healthy.
I’m the miracle, I survived cancer.

The book Mind Power by John Kehoe is really highly recommended.

I will update the blog after my next scan.

 

 

 

My new mantra

Lung radiation starts Monday 11 April for 8 days.  According to my oncologist, I should not experience side effects and each session is a quick 15 minutes from start to finish.

I learnt the above affirmation from Emile Coue by reading Mind Power by John Kehoe, a very powerful book.

Besides my painful back (round about the shoulder blades), I have no complaints and can function as normal.  Hope to post more photos as I get going with radiation and chemo.

 

Something to think about

There is another cancer theory, that for some people life becomes too busy, they’re so wrapped up in their own lives, with no time to spare, and if it carries on for too long and stops them from growing and learning the lessons they need to learn on earth, a higher power (or their own higher self) intervenes and brings cancer in their path, with the intention of bringing their lives to a standstill so that they can once again focus on their purpose, heal past relationships, spend time with family and to put them on a journey of self discovery.  So for all of us, we are the problem and the cure.  To heal ourselves is within our own hands.

My life was a treadmill and came to a dead stop.  I have changed from living in the future to living the NOW.

Mantras for January

I’ve learnt to make a note of the mantras Dr Spies’s report produces.  I copy them to myself via email and try to read them once a day.  Here are my mantras for January:

My brain is healthy. It is able to control all bodily functions properly at all times and to process the information received from the sensory organs quickly, thoroughly and adequately. My memory is very good, as well as my intellectual grasp. I can orientate myself well. Thinking and speaking come easy to me. 
2nd Chakra: The past is always in the past. From today I live only in the present.
My lungs are healthy. Breathing in and out are in optimum balance on the physical level, just as giving and taking on the psychic level. I am happy and in a good mood. I am free, I breathe freely and take in air all the time. I have faith in my life. I can isolate myself where necessary, and am open to contacts. The causal mental / psychic subject has been resolved. All is well

Attitude

Positivity and Mindset

So so so important.  It took me a while to get there.  Once again I credit Dr Spies who told me that he constantly tells himself “I am in perfect health, I am in perfect health” for about 30 minutes each day.  I started that, especially when I walk, it’s my mantra.  I also do it at night when trying to fall asleep. It probably has more benefit when one is about to fall asleep when tapping into one’s subconscious.

One can sit back and be resigned to dying or do ones utmost to prevent it.  Dr Spies told me that no amount of radiation is going to save you if your mind is not right.  There has always been a debate around why some people survive and some not.  A book that influenced my earlier life and which I can always draw on is Victor Frankl’s study on why certain people survived the concentration camps and others not.  (Victor E Frankl:  Psychotherapy and Existentialism or by the same author: Man’s Search for MeaningThose who survived had something to live for. Those who did not, simply gave up.

You create your own reality

Michaela’s mantra which she has been trying to instil in me for years but it never made sense up to now.  I’ve run out of options and I have to embrace positivity and believe that I create my own reality.  Michaela worked hard on my mental attitude, like these excerpts from emails:

you don’t have to just sit back and accept statistics and words you read on a computer screen….are u really going to hand all your power over to some doctors opinion, some words on the net or other people’s stories?  If you decide you want to live, you have every right. Life doesn’t work how people think, people don’t just die…they agree to die… that is why sometimes people miraculously survive events like car crashes etc, sometimes they actually do die, but decide they don’t want to die, and they come back, its a choice. I feel that you really are going to have to summon up everything you have within you and believe you are going to live. Do not give in or give up. Do not feel like it is out of your control.

Trust the process you are going thru…
it will get easier.
but yes, it will also be challenging. That is why you came to earth in the first place, to be challenged…. and to rise above limitation….
because limitation is an illusion, it doesn’t really exist. We limit ourselves, by our belief systems. Do you know what is the difference between successful people and those who never accomplish their dreams? Successful people believed, and they all had the courage to go for it. It’s the same for those who heal, and those who die from illness. Those who heal- all believed they would, and had the courage to go for it with all they got.

Many people have done it but you only see what you focus on…if you start focusing on the negative- that’s what you will attract.
you decide what you experience
i recommend getting a hold of your energy, getting strong and firmly intending what you want to experience. fill your life with good and positive things only. only read the positive things, keep your goals firmly in sight. you will attract it, that is how it works…maybe you have chosen illness as your way of remembering that and how to do that…..everything is a blessing, and each experience, no matter how hard it seems from our perspective, is actually for our highest growth and evolution. you are growing and evolving 🙂 life is magical 🙂

My biggest motivating factor is of course my girls, they need the love and advice of a mum and are not yet fully financially off my hands.