Dealing with the diagnosis

The period after I got diagnosed was very urgent and confused. I was ill and websites gave lifespan predictions of months. There was some urgency to “close off my life” and await the end.  The closing off of my life in a decent and orderly fashion, became priority. I didn’t want to leave the girls a mess of paperwork and confused notes.

I also needed to contact my insurances to get a handle on my financial situation.  I had to deal with all the incoming medical accounts.  I had to evaluate everything I own and how I could save.  What is superfluous?

We decided to pack up my house before the onset of radiation. Bianca and my sister drove me to the farm. By that time I walked with difficulty because of cortisone. We had to decide what to do with the furniture. The girls took minimal stuff as they themselves had no space and my mum’s garage is already full. The rest were sold off.  There comes a point when one has to let go of earthly possessions.  I would have all the comforts at my mum’s house.  I’ve lost all my possessions previously in a fire about 30 years ago, so I no longer thought it an issue.

I have not been able to drive because of the brain tumour (it is apparently by law, so said the doctor) and my mum has been driving me ever since.  Yes, to lose independence like that is not easy but I do appreciate what she’s doing for me. On the whole we get on well.

But I also arrived at her place with suitcases and bags of clothing. There just wasn’t space. I had to clear out big time. Initially I didn’t want to keep out summer clothes because I didn’t think I was going to live that long! Luckily Bianca persuaded me otherwise. Most of my clothes went to charity, something I still feel a bit raw about.

It was as if things were moving too fast, yet not fast enough.

I was living in hope that by the end of 2015 I would be free from brain tumours and that I would once again be able to come off the Epilizine and drive my own car. Alas, that wasn’t to be. With the new tumours, it could take another 6 months. In the meantime I have an extra car to house and support, in addition to my daughters’ cars. I therefore decided by January 2016, to rather sell the oldest model. So I no longer have a car left.

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